


Big boys in boots

by AnyoneButHer



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Crack, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:57:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7116652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnyoneButHer/pseuds/AnyoneButHer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on Saylee/And I meant it to sting's crack bunny:</p>
<p>"So, in one dimension “Ace Rimmer” is not a space hero, but a porn star. Somehow our boys get their hands on his *ahem* body of work. Cue Rimmer swearing up and down that this is not from his time as Ace. Lister is amused or intrigued or both. Then they find the “Big Boys in Boots” photoshoot."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big boys in boots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saylee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saylee/gifts).



> what have I done?

They had discovered a crashed ship on a moon. It was a rather large spaceship. The blackbox revealed that it was from another dimension. Many dimensions had experimented with dimensional travel but this ship had attempted to transport an entire crew in a ship the size of red dwarf across. The ship’s AI had smegged up and sent them straight into a moon once they had passed through the dimensional tear. Apparently the ship had an IQ of 8322 (the same as 8322 PE teachers) but it still managed to smeg up the whole operation. 

 

None of the crew had survived but as the ident computer said it was stocked to the brim with enough curries to feed a whole ship of men for ten years (or one Lister for a month) the boys saw fit to salvage the wreck and see what they could find.

 

It had been while he was rooting around an officers quarters that Lister had found a small box hidden under the bed. Curious he pulled it out and opened it to find some magazines. Dirty magazines. With Ace smegging Rimmer on the front wearing nothing but his aviator shades and flowing hair. Scooping up the whole pile Lister ran giggling back to red dwarf. He radioed Cat and Kryten to come up straight away.

 

Lister spread the magazines out across the table in his quarters. All of them had Ace on the front. Lister was pissing himself laughing by the time Cat and Kryten arrived.

 

“We came as fast as we could sir. What was that we so urgently needed to see?” Kryten asked.

 

“Yeah bud. You better have a bloody good reason for tearing me away from a full length mirror.” Cat threatened.

 

Lister, unable to stop laughing just shoved the magazines in their direction.

  
  


That was how Rimmer found them ten minutes later: giggling over a pile of filthy magazines. 

 

“What the smeg are you three laughing at?” Rimmer questioned.

 

The three dwarfers just looked at him before bursting into another fit of giggles.

 

Rimmer leaned over Lister’s shoulder to peer at the magazines strewn across the table.

 

“Smegging hell.”

* * *

 

“NO! That was not me!” Rimmer protested, “It must have been some other Ace. I would never in a million years…..oh smeg just where does he plan to put tha-....oh”

 

They sat flipping through the pages while holding them just out of Rimmer’s reach. 

 

“What’s this?” Lister exclaimed “Big boys in boots page thirteen”. Lister turned over to the appropriate page. 

 

“Oh smeg”

  
  


A few days later when the laughter had died down Lister was lying in his bunk alone and bored. He reached under his pillow to find the pages he had torn out of the dirty Ace magazine. 

 

Boys in boots consisted of Ace and Spanners kissing passionately while Spanners rubbed their naked cocks together in his hand. It reminded Lister of a dream he had once.  Lister wasn’t sure what possessed him to steal this page. At first he wrote it off as wanting to hide it from the other but if that was really the case he would have destroyed it by now. 

 

Lister certainly wasn’t attracted that smeghead and he was definitely repulsed by the idea of their cocks rubbing together in his hand, sticky and sweaty and just the right kind of filthy. “Smeg” Lister thought “I’m hard at the idea of rubbing off on goalpost head. Smegging hell”

 

Lister was almost painfully hard now and there was no way it was going to go away on it’s own, especially with that mental image. Lister pulled his cock out from his shorts and began to stroke it. Hard and fast just the way he like it. He began to imagine it was Rimmer’s hand on his cock. Lister was so far gone he didn’ even care that he had clearly got the hots for his arse of a bunkmate. Lister looked back up at the pages to see that in the photo Ace was firmly gripping Spanner’s arse. Lister came hard and fast. 

 

“Holy smeg”

* * *

 

A few weeks later Rimmer was in their quarters while Lister was out with the cat. Rimmer looked at the mess that was Lister’s bunk. “That man can’t keep anything neat or clean. He is the greatest slob in the whole galaxy.” Rimmer muttered to no one in particular.  He reached upwards to neaten Lister’s bed when a scrap of glossy paper fell out from underneath his pillow. Rimmer stooped to pick it up.

 

“Oh my smegging god!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you had a laugh!:)


End file.
